ulysses – process part 392


A Collection of My Mistakes

I think I make music for the same reasons a lot of people do. I make music out of fear. Fear. Pure, abject, existential fear. Fear that without doing something creative my purpose on earth is meaningless. Fear that I am judged to be inferior by my peers for not doing more. Fear that my career and my self-image doesn’t align with how others see me. Fear that my self-image is a fantasy. Fear of being left behind. Fear of disappearing. Fear of being forgotten. Fear I didn’t do it well enough. Fear that I won’t get another chance to make it better.

I enjoy losing myself in the act of creation, like a lot of people do. I’m certain when you speak to most people they say they create because it makes them feel good; because they lose track of time; they get pleasure from it. But that’s just the outer layer of the onion. It’s not the motivation that gets you making something. When you peel away the layers you’ll see that it’s fear that makes it happen. It’s the center of the onion that makes you cry when you cut it.

I don’t start with a plan, though I do often start with some inspiration — usually another artist who is doing what I’d like to do, but better and in a more timely way (fear of being irrelevant). It often takes many attempts to get something right (fear of being seen as incompetent), and for that I apologize to all the record labels in the world that have had to slog through my sometimes-inappropriate demos (fear of being ignored).

For this mix I wanted to highlight the body of my work that has nothing to do with dancing. Conceptually, you could call them the “B sides” but that’s just showing my age. They’re the other songs that often end up on my EPs along with the dance tunes. Sometimes I make them as an exercise to keep from being too formulaic, sometimes I start off trying to do something more experimental, and sometimes they’re just dance tunes that weren’t any good to dance to (fear of making a mistake). This mix started as an attempt to do a live set, but then it didn’t work out. Instead a couple of original compositions were created solely for this mix. Sometimes my best stuff is something that comes out of a mistake. I hope you enjoy my mistakes.

01. Tender Vengance
02. Dark/Night/Day
03. Timmy Thomas – Why Can’t We Live Together?
04. Sir Sly
05. All In
06. Melodies of Shame
07. The Slowest Tornado
08. Mircales Club – Light of Love (Ulysses Beatless Remix)
09. Nanook
10. Pansori
11. The Meaning Machine

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