kris wadsworth – process part 322
I’m young. I have always been young. By that, I mean younger than everyone else into this music – both in growing up and also now, a lot of the time. I shouldn’t have shit like this. Or maybe I should? I regularly get blown back by how much older a lot of my friends and peers are. Typically, people are about ten years older than me, more or less. Sometimes it’s a nice feeling, but other times it just reminds me of how alienated I’ve always felt.
This mix is a good example of that feeling: Coming up as a kid around Detroit who did something different–I didn’t want to kiss people’s asses, play what other people played to get bookings, or pretend to be “cool.” That was not the easiest thing to do. Hence why nobody ever really gave a shit about what I was doing really until I started doing stuff internationally. Some people still don’t give a shit. (It’s mutual, I promise you.) I would play shows in warehouses with the rough crowd who did their own thing separate from the “cool kids.” These people gave me a little bit of support to do whatever I was doing and I’ll always be grateful for that. The thing is, no matter where I have ever been, or whomever I am ever around, I tend to stick out like a sore thumb.
So, when I found this mix, I instantly remembered what I felt like during that period of my life. I was around eighteen or maybe just turned nineteen. I had just found out that the girl I was dating was cheating on me and using me for months; I had been charged with two drunk driving cases three months apart; I was getting into some really heavy drugs; I was getting in really violent fights with people all the time; I was in and out of jails in three different counties, with pending criminal convictions in each; My car, which had all of the records that are on this mix in it, was stolen along with the records; My dad who died last year, told me at this time that he was dying from a lifetime of abusing himself. To make a long story short, I was a mess. All I had to escape to was this music. But to be honest, I just kind of disappeared in general around this time. Even from music.
18-Year Old Mix
This is a mix that shows the duality that often exists in my tracks and DJ sets to this day. Something that I feel showed early signs of something “else” other than the typical stuff. I kinda like it. I used to refer to it as a “backwards” mix because it deconstructs rather than builds. I restored it the best I could from a tape that it was originally recorded on somewhere. No edits, as usual, and of course vinyl only. There is a “house music” record by Nick Holder on it that I called “techno.” I clearly remember a former friend making fun of me in the record shop because he said it was “straight up house, what the fuck are you talking about?” Maybe another sign that shit like that never mattered to me anyway, or that I just couldn’t grasp why there are people who side with one or the other. Genres have always been a struggle for me, among other “rules.”
This track “Mutual Selection” is from “roughly” the same time period. The guy who made fun of me for calling the Nick Holder record “techno,” was the one who financed the pressing of this. I was about twenty years old then. It was my second record release (my first was when I was seventeen) and I was excited about it. I made a goal for myself to do my second record before I turned twenty-one and I did it. When we got the tracks mastered to vinyl, it was at the legendary Detroit institution known as NSC. A guy named Ron Murphy, who is now deceased, cut this particular track in a way that it played backwards from the inside out. You play it just like a normal record, but you put the needle on the inside. It’s kind of strange. Due to it being one of my earliest tracks, when we got the presses back, they sounded like shit. No fault of Ron’s of course, it was me. I had no idea about that sort of shit at age twenty and no one to show me what to do.
The records were all handwritten on by me with a paint pen in the upstairs of a house in Hazel Park, Michigan. They were all hand distributed by me or the guy who financed it. There are only white labels in existence because this dude never made formal copies or had them distributed professionally. Seeing as how the sound quality was so fucked on the record, I was really happy when I found the original recording. The opportunity to share it with people in a way which gives it some more credit, at least sound quality-wise, is pretty cool. I was really bummed-out that the record came out the way it did and also that it never really saw the light of day. Maybe now people can enjoy some cool stuff I made when I was quite young? That would be nice. Being talented and young and from that city is nothing new. Don’t believe the hype.